


Single

by nubianamy



Series: The Donutverse [9]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glee
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Donutverse (Glee), M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23893306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nubianamy/pseuds/nubianamy
Summary: Finn wants to say he's sorry to Puck. Adam isn't sure he wants to help.
Relationships: Adam Lambert/Noah Puckerman, Finn Hudson/Kurt Hummel/Noah Puckerman
Series: The Donutverse [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/10911
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Single

**Author's Note:**

> Long-time readers, ignore this; I'm just moving things around. This isn't a new story. It was originally embedded in a collection of short stories about Adam, but was getting lost there, so I decided to move it here to keep everything in chronological order. -amy

Finn wiped his nose once more on the tissue and stuffed it back into his pocket, chafing his hands together to make them warm enough to place the phone call. It wasn’t a number he’d called before, and he wasn’t even sure if it would connect. But this was his opportunity to talk to Adam alone, unless he wanted to swipe Puck’s phone. 

The phone rang four times before it went to voice mail. Finn hadn’t really expected anything else. He was busy, after all, and there was a three hour time difference even if he were home. God knew _where_ he might be at any given time. Two days ago he’d been on fricking _Ellen._

He cleared his throat, staring out into the snow. “Hey,” he said, "this is... Finn. I hope you don't mind me calling this number, Puck gave it to us when he got home from Santa Fe. We haven’t really met, but, uh, I wanted to ask you for a favor. For Puck. He wrote Kurt a song last month, I don’t know if he played it for you, but I it’s really good. I wanted… well, I wanted to write _him_ a song, but I can’t write music or lyrics worth a damn. So I was hoping that you… well, that maybe I could tell you the story, and you could write it. For him. ‘Cause I know you love him and all. Maybe as much as… as I love him. 

“Anyway. Give me a call when you get a chance, and let me know if you think you can help out.” He had to pause and blow his nose again. “I, uh, I think you’re an awesome singer. You really inspired me when I saw you on Idol last year. Well, that’s about it. Bye.”

He turned his face into the wind and started walking back home, tucking his scarf more securely into the collar of his jacket. He had only gone a block and a half when his phone rang. _Adam--private,_ it said. 

“Hi,” he said, trying not to sound too surprised. 

_“Finn,”_ said the light voice Finn remembered from Adam's interviews. 

“Thanks for calling back. Is this a good time?”

 _“I wouldn’t have called you if it weren’t,”_ he said evenly. He didn’t sound very pleased, but Finn knew that was sometimes the way of Tops. He tried not to take it personally.

He cleared his eyes and squinted into the sleet, falling more lightly now. “You, uh, heard my message.”

_“I want you to tell me why you think you deserve to give him anything."_

Finn stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “What?”

 _“You hurt Noah a lot with your words and your actions. He trusted you, and you betrayed him. That’s not okay in an ordinary relationship, Finn, but in one like this? And with a kid with a history of abuse and abandonment?”_ He made a chiding noise. Finn put a hand to his mouth to stifle the sob. Adam's voice grew soft. _“Finn?”_

“I’m sorry, I’m listening.” He sniffed.

 _“Finn, are you all right?”_ The voice was more gentle now. _“I can’t tell over the phone, for sure, but it sounds like you’re--“_

“I’m a mess, okay?” he blurted. “I’m--I’m so glad he’s home and he’s safe, and that he has you and Kurt, but I can’t help but worry about him _all_ the time, after--after what I did. I can’t trust myself with him, but I also can’t stand being in the same room with him and not _touching_ him.” He closed his eyes and indulged in several shuddering sobs. “He was gone for _eight days_ and every day--I mean, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even leave my freaking room for four of them.”

 _“You treated him like he was nothing,”_ Adam said, his voice like a lash.

“I know,” Finn said, shivering. “I was--cold. I didn’t need to be like that. I mean, I crossed a line. I know it’s okay to get angry but I lost my temper and I _know_ that’s not okay.”

_“No._ _It’s not.”_

Finn was silent for a moment while he scrubbed his face on his soaked tissue, then gave it up and stuffed it back in his pocket. 

“I can be--awful,” he said. “I get wrapped up in myself, and… I think it’s just that I’m afraid of hurting him again. I’m afraid to get too close again because… because I’m not sure I won’t make the same mistake again.” He pressed his lips together, then took a shaky breath in and out. 

_“You told him you were done with him.”_ It wasn’t an accusation, just a statement of fact.

“But I’m _not._ I don’t want to be. I mean, no matter what I _said,_ I never… I could never leave him.” He laughed, a bitter sound. “The shit he’s put _me_ through--seriously, Adam, if I _wanted_ to go, I would have gone by _now._ But he’s… he’s part of me. We’ve been in each other’s lives since we were kids, and now… god--it sounds ridiculous, but I think… I don’t think I can live without him.” He hugged himself, shaking with more than the cold. “Being away from him for those days was _torture._ And it didn’t get any better.”

 _“All right.”_ Finn heard Adam’s quiet sigh.

Finn paused and leaned against a lamp post for support. “I don’t think he understands how much I need him."

_“Explain, please?”_

Finn tried to collect his thoughts. “Is there anybody in your life who knows you so well, and so completely, that you feel like… like he knows you better than you know yourself?”

Adam was quiet. Finally, he said, _“Nobody like that.”_

“Puck’s like that with me.” He smiled through his haze of frozen tears. “He keeps me sane, just by being himself. He doesn’t have to _do_ anything, you know? He just--lets me take care of him. Or he used to, anyway. I think you understand what I get out of that.”

 _“Yes, Finn… I do.”_ There was a noise he would have sworn was a chuckle. _“You’ve got a good heart, Finn. And you write better lyrics than you know. I’ll let you know what I come up with.”_

“Oh.” Finn paused, taken aback. “Well... thanks. I appreciate it.”

 _“I take inspiration from all sources,”_ Adam said. _“Even my lover’s boyfriend.”_

“He’s not--I’m not his--“

 _“Yeah, you are._ _You still are. He loves you as much as you love him. You know it. And he’ll trust you again. It’ll just take time.”_

“Thanks,” Finn said again, to the sound of the dial tone.

* * *

_cold as ice_   
_and more bitter than a december winter night_   
_that's how I treated you_

_and I know that I_   
_I sometimes tend to lose my temper_   
_and I cross the line_   
_that's the truth_

_i know it gets hard sometimes_   
_but I could never_   
_leave your side_   
_no matter what I say_

_cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now_   
_but I'm gonna need you near me_   
_to keep my mind off the edge_   
_if I wanted to leave I would have left by now_   
_but you're the only one that knows me_   
_better than I know myself_

_all alone I try to pretend it doesn't matter_   
_if I was alone but deep down I know_   
_if you were gone for even a day I wouldn't know_   
_which way to turn_   
_cause I'm lost without you_

_I get kind of dark_   
_let it go too far_   
_I can be obnoxious at times_   
_but try and see my heart_   
_cause I need you now_   
_so don't let me down_   
_you're the only thing in this world_   
_I would die without_

_-[Adam Lambert, "Better Than I Know Myself"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9ZVIAbDr_w)_


End file.
